


Happy Tree Friends - Blood, Guts and Nice Cream (Guy) Cake

by Lady_R



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Axetale (AU), Blood and Gore, Body Horror, Cannibalism, Chopped-Off Limbs, Dark Humor, Dismemberment, Dysfunctional Relationships, Game of Thrones References, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Inspired by Music, Kit is so bitter he could melt a wall, Sarcasm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2019-01-30 08:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12649572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_R/pseuds/Lady_R
Summary: Living all alone in the forest can be exhausting. Especially if all four of your limbs have been chopped off, you're chained to an ice-cream cart that used to belong to you, and day by day the inhabitants of your deranged world flock to your position to eat you alive, with you being unable to die.The best you can do about it is drown all your sorrows in sarcasm and try to form at least some bond to the person who did this to you.(an Axetale story - read at your own risk)





	Happy Tree Friends - Blood, Guts and Nice Cream (Guy) Cake

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this story contains plenty of horror elements, gore, dismemberment, cannibalism and limbs being chopped off, all of which are portrayed with dark irony. I have tried not to indulge too much in the descriptions, but I still warn you to enter at your own discretion. 
> 
> Axetale is an Undertale AU set 12 years after a Pacifist ending, as well as a spin-off of the pre-existing AU Horrortale. In it, a female Frisk grows up in the Underground and marries Sans. Afterwards, Flowey steals the human souls and causes a distortion (the "Glitch") in which monsters turn insane. They contract the Hunger, a condition that causes them to be constantly starving, mutate into horrific beings, and start attacking and cannibalize each other. Frisk escapes from the Underground with the plan to steal Human SOULS and free everybody, but she never comes back. Only years later, it's her and Sans' daughter Aliza who comes back. And what she finds is literal hell.  
> The AU contains blood, gore, cannibalism, body horror and all sort of stuff, as well as an amazing Mettaton character that I may use for The Constellation sooner or later. But this story isn't about him.  
> Enter Gyftrot, the vengeful and manipulating hunter, and his sentient trap, Kitastrophe Cream Guy.

**7.30 AM:**

"You know what your problems is? You should be more positive."

"I do really hope you're joking."

Gyftrot raises his head from the detached, bloodied limb he was devouring. "I am serious, Kit. You're getting in the way of your own happiness. All you do is moan, and groan, and whine. You should try opening up your horizons. Trying new things."

"Oh, really?" Kit's mangled ears pop into the air. "You know, maybe you're right. I should go for a walk once in a while, and enjoy myself the balsamic air of the forest."

"See? It's not that hard." Gyftrot says. "You're holding yourself down."

"Am I?" Kit squints to the ceiling of the cave. "Or maybe it is the fact that your argument has no legs to stand on? And you know who else doesn't? Me! Because  _somebody_  had the brilliant idea to chop off my limbs and burn the stumps so that I can't grow them back. And now, that same somebody has the guts to tell me to go for a stroll? Please, do yourself a favor and be quiet."

"I'm just trying to help you." Gyftrot whines. "Ok, whatever. No walks today. Think of something else. Be creative."

"How about a tennis match?" Kit groans. "Do you know how to play?"

"Yes, why not? You see, only you hold yourself down."

"UGH!"

Kit shuts his eyes tightly, mumbling curse words under his breath. Then, he stayed in silence. The faint screams of distant preys and the sloshy steps of Gyftrot's many hooves were the only audible noises. 

"Kitty?" he asked after endless minutes of walking in circles. 

"It's Kit." the other grunted. "K-I-T. I'm not even a kitty."

"Shut up. I didn't complain like this when you called me Gyfty."

Kit rolled his eyes. A red tear ran down his face, forming yet another trail next to the others. "Because it's shorter than Gyftrot. This is the point of nicknames: making names shorter. But Kit is already very short, so it doesn't work."

"Ok, whatever." Gyftrot said. "You've been quiet for a long time, and I was wondering if you were still here."

"Sadly I'm not that lucky." Kit shrugged, as little as he was able to. "I was just daydreaming. And I'd love to go back to it. Or do I also have to entertain you after what you did to me?"

Gyftrot said nothing, and went back to moving in circles. Kit closed his eyes again, the faint shape of a smile forming on his face with what looked like great muscular strain. 

"Is that a smile I see?"

"I told you to leave me alone." 

"Since when are you such a cynic?" Gyftrot asked, nuzzling his snout into Kit's shoulder. It was almost completely restored, only a pink hole the size of a pebble remaining in between the blue fur, where a bite had been taken from the rabbit's shoulder the previous day.

"I don't know." Kit quipped. "Let's say that being mutilated, chained and cannibalized can change people." He took a deep breath, turning away from the deer monster. "But you know, maybe you were right. Daydreaming did make me feel happier."

"See? I told you!" Gyftrot chuckles. "What did you imagine?"

Kit licks his lips. "Impaling you and devouring your corpse."  
  
  
  
**9.00 AM:**

"Kitty?"

"Oh, come on!" Kit opened his eyes agape. "I was imagining to push you off a cliff and into rock spikes." He grinned, revealing his broken yellow teeth. "And before, I had squished you with a mace into tiny decorated bits."

"I know who'll get the best decoration when the guests come." Gyftrot said chillingly.  

Kit shivered, his skin getting even paler.

“Oh, come on! Can we skip this today?”

“Why would we? I like our routine.”

“You like it because you’re not the one getting EATEN ALIVE.”

Kit shook the cuff that tied him to his ex-ice cream cart, to no avail. He grunted. 

“Who is it? Please, tell me it’s not the Ice Caps.”

“What’s up with them?"

"I hate them. They eat with their mouth open. If you're going to maul me, at least do it with the proper etiquette."

"And what about Chilldrake?"

"I hate him too. He always complains about my quality. I'm gourmet, if you please. Don't like? Don't eat."

Gyftrot let out a chuckle. “Don’t worry, Kitty-Kit. It’s just some slimes and a couple bucks. Light day for us both.”

“Kitty-Kit? Oh, come on! That’s lame even for you.” The rabbit monster had began breathing heavily, shivering in his cuffs. 

“Shut up and let them come. You know the drill by know.”

“I-I know.” Kit whispered, shutting his eyes again.

From behind the bush he was hiding into, Gyftrot could see the guests coming. Some slimes and a couple bucks, and then some birds too. He licked his many lips with his many tongues. “Now do your duty, Kit."

"Good morning.” Kit’s voice was quipping from his prison. "Yes, go on. I don't go anywhere. Thank that guy for it." 

He chuckled bitterly, pulling his head backwards. The first bite came from a bird monster, with an already bloodied beak. 

“AAGH!”

“They like you, Kitty-Kit.” Gyftrot mumbled. “Who wouldn’t? You’re very… sweet.”

“I’M AS BITTER AS GALL. AAAAAGH!” 

“I don’t think so.” Gyftrot mused, staring with a wide smile at the massacre taking place. 

“Shut up.” Kit grunted. “I prefer to be - AAAGH - devoured in silence.-

Gyftrot simply nodded, and walked backwards, sitting himself in a cozy grass spot. Blood sprayed on his face, and he licked himself with three of his tongues, ready to attack. 

“OUCH!” Kit screamed. "Stop pulling that! It's my tailbone! It's not edible, you..."

"Hey, we just found a proper use for you." Gyftrot mused, sucking on his prey. "You could give anatomy demonstrations."

"In my head, I just gave you the middle finger. Ouch! OUCH! ARGH!"  
  
  
  
**12.00 AM:**

"You know what I just thought?" Gyftrot asked in between chews. Feathers were spread all over the place, some even covering the bloodied face of the rabbit monster. He blew them away with a faint puff. 

"Can you think with your mouth closed?” Kit hissed. He was all done for the day, only his head keeping some meat on the bones, and the skeleton and the various entrails glistened in the white light of the cave. “Someone’s trying to rest.”

“You’ll like this, I promise.” Gyftrot said. 

“I never like what you do.”

“Oh, you did once.” Gyftrot wiped his snout on the side of the ice cream cart. “You wanted to make that deal with me, didn’t you. Endless meat for both of us.”

“And look where that got me.” Kit spat out. “I don’t even know what’s keeping me alive.”

“Probably how much you hate me.”

“Probably.”

Kit produced another bitter, weak laugh. Gyftrot walked to him, nuzzling his face on his dismembered belly. 

“AGH! YOU-“

“You, Kitty-Kit, have become something we’ve never seen before.”

“A sentient meal? How’s that new? Everybody eats everybody in here. I just get eaten more often than usual.”

“No, not that.” Gyftrot laughed loudly, and licked his many lips again. 

“Imagine being one of these Snowdin monsters who never leave Snowdin, and hearing about someone who gets devoured whole everyday, and never dies despite that.”

“I prefer imagining pushing you into a pit of lava.”

“Just try it. Wouldn’t you be surprised? Intrigued?”

Kit huffed. “M-Maybe. Probably. I’d just join the party and search for my lovely endless feast with sentience. As in me.”

“Or maybe not. You wouldn’t believe it.”

“Wouldn’t I?”

Gyftrot sipped the bloodied snow. “Maybe. You could laugh it all off as a children’s story. But curiosity would eat you up…”

Kit grunted loudly. 

"Oops, wrong choice of words?”

“YOU SON OF A-“

“It definitely was.” Gryftrot shushed the other with his hoof. “You’d want to see it, just to say you did. You took just a tiny nibble from it and he didn’t send you to hell.”

“That would be a task."

“I’m serious, Kit.” Gyftrot sat next to his prey, rolling in the red snow. "You're an incognito. A mythos. Like humans have the Big-Foot and the Loch-Ness Monster, we have you."

"Mythos..." "I've been called worse things. You know, I kinda like this idea. What would I be known as? The Everlasting Feast? The Living-Breathing Meal?"

"Kit, yet again, you lack in creativity. May I offer you a suggestion?"

"Who's stopping you?"

Gyftrot grinned. "How about... the Kitastrophe?'"

"WHY?" Kit wailed. "WHY DON'T YOU JUST KILL ME?"  
  
  
  
**2.00 PM:**

Gyftrot muffled a laugh in his paws. 

"What's so funny?"

"I just realized that you have red tears all over your face. It looks like you have makeup on."

"And is it so funny?"

"If you see it, yes. You look like an edgelord."

"Considering what you did to me, there's more than one edgelord in this place."

"Come on, let me clean you." Gyftrot offered. And before the other even had the chance to answer, he opened his mouth and started licking his bloodied face. 

"If you bite my face, I'll end you." Kit hissed. 

"I am curious to see how you'd do that." Gyftrot lifted his head from the other monster, and softly pressed his teeth into his shoulder. Kit whimpered. 

"Don't worry. I'm sated. For now, at least." Gyftrot went back to licking. Kit pushed his head backwards, eyes wide shut. 

"Here." The deer monster said. "All done. Squeaky-clean."

"Oh, finally." Kit grunted. “I’m beginning to think you enjoyed that.”

“I did.”

Kit gritted his teeth. “But don’t let anybody know.” 

“Nobody would care.”

Gyftrot stared at him dead in the eyes. Kit instinctively staggered backwards. As little as he could. 

"Before, you said we're both edgelords. Didn’t you?"

"Apparently." Kit whispered. Gyftrot's face contorted into a wide smile. 

"So we are alike, in some twisted way. We have stuff in common."

"No!" Kit screamed. "Me and you couldn't be any more different. We have nothing in common. The only twisted thing, here, is my backbone." 

He pushed into his left shoulder, lifting his right. A clicking sound arose from the mangled body of the rabbit monster. 

"But... No, I can't say it." 

What?"

"I can't."

"What is it?"

The rabbit monster harrumphed. "I kinda liked being cleaned." 

"What?"

"I know, it's disgusting. It just was... how do I even put it? New. Unexpected." 

"See, Kitty? You should have trusted me."

"Maybe. Just, never do it again. It was very awkward too."  
  
  
  
**5:15 PM:**

“Snowdin, oh na na, you know my heart is in Snowdin, oh na na…”

“Why are you singing?”

Gyftrot’s main mouth, was dripping with blood. Probably Kit’s. They both knew that. 

“Because I’m bored and I feel like it. Snowdin, oh na na. So take me back to my Snowed In, oh na na na.”

“How do you know this song?”

“Everybody in Snowdin does, except anchorites like you. Now shut up and let me distract myself from how miserable I am.”

Gyftrot grunted, licking his lips. “Can’t you at least sing something with a bit more punch?”

“Like what?”

“ _I want blood, guts and Nice Cream cake_?”

Kit let out a scream.

“What?”

“You don’t even see how I’d NOT want to sing that?”

“Mmh…” Gyftrot stayed into the air. “No. I don’t.”

“And I won’t sing it.”

“Fine. Just don’t go back to the funeral march from before.”

Kit shut his eyes, sneering. Then he opened them again. 

"I've got a lovely bunch of Nice Creams, there they are standing in a row. Big ones, small ones..."

"Kitty?"

"Some bigger than your head..."

"KIT!"

"What? WHAT IS IT, IN ASGORE'S NAME? WHAT IS IT?" Kit coughed a lump of blood, spitting it on the already bloodied snow. "WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT? CUT OFF MY TONGUE? Oh, I dare you to try. My teeth are still strong, you know." He stopped for a second. "Actually no. I don't dare you. I'd much rather keep the little me I have left in one piece. But I'd still..."

"It's not that I want." Gyftrot prepped himself backwards. 

Kit pouted his lip. "Then what?"

"I just wanted to tell you I like your voice."

The rabbit monster tilted his head to the side. "Well, thanks." he said, keeping his eyes away from the other. "You know what I like? When you shut up."

"You're truly petty.” Gyftrot smiled. “Now your turn is over. Can I sing now?”

“Since you like taking things from me, go ahead. Just try not to sound like a dying moose, ok? Give me that favor.”

“What are you insinuating, bunny boy?”

“Nothing at all.”

Gyftrot walked backwards, clearing his throats. Then he began, his voice more high-pitched than the other, and with an unexpectedly soft, crooning tone. 

" _When I put my lips on you_

_You feel the shivers go up and down your spine for me_

_Make you cry for me_

_When I put my lips on you_

_I hear your screams echoing all through the night for me_

_Baby, cry for me_

_When I put my lips on you._ ”

For a moment, the rabbit monster remained in silence. 

“I would applaude if I had arms.” He then chucked with a shrug. 

“Would you?”

“Yes. With your face between my hands. But I would.”

“It took you so much strain to admit it.”

“I’m the one who gets eaten up daily, please. Don’t tell me what strain is.” Kit turned away, mumbling a melody. “But if I can sing away my sorrows, maybe they’ll hurt a bit less.”

“So…”

“Yes, Kitty-Kit?”

The rabbit monster sighed. “Can we make it a duet? I can just change the yous to Is.”

Gyftrot smiled widely. “One… two… three…”  
  
  
  
**7.00 PM:**

“Gyfty?”

“Don’t make me bite your liver off.”

“You already did it many times. You know it doesn’t work.”

Gyftrot raised his head from the snow. 

“So, now you want to talk to me?”

“No. I have to.” Kit hissed. “I have a question to ask.”

“Go ahead. Don’t let curiosity eat you up.”

“I hate you so much.”

Kit took a deep breath, staring at his almost completely reformed liver, away from the other’s eyes. 

“Do you… hate me?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Because I hate you. I hate you so much. But it never felt as if you hated me.”

“I chopped off your limbs, member?"

 “Yes, but…” In my place, anyone could have been. My family… one of those bears… that fat skeleton with the big axe.”

“He wouldn’t. How do you eat a skeleton?”

“I’ve seen people sucking my bone marrow. You can.” Kit tilted his head sideways. “Now, that is someone I don’t like. I remember him, acting so above us… and yet, here I am, and has he come to my rescue?”

“He probably doesn't remember you. Don’t be so bitter, Kitty-Kit.”

“Don’t bitter police me.” Kit mumbled. “You don’t have the right to.”

Gyftrot lifted himself up. He moved to the rabbit monster, staring him dead into the eyes.

“Keep that mouth of yours in check, Kitastrophe. Don’t make me…”

And he remained silent, as Kit’s own tongue was tapping against his own face.

He staggered backwards, slightly shaking.

“What w-was that?” he babbled out. 

“You licked my wounds, so I lick you.” Kit emitted a faint chuckle, then began laughing loudly. A vivacious, lively laugh, followed by a stream of red tears. 

Gyftrot’s eyes were agape, and so were his many mouths.

“Are you… laughing?”

“Of course I am.” Kit answered, laughing and crying. “It’s the only thing I have left: embarrassing you and laughing at your embarrassment.” He shut his eyes, letting his tears flow. “Now go ahead. Punish me. Eat my liver and my kidneys, and season them with my own blood. I’m in heaven and I don’t care anymore.”

Gyftrot opened his mouth, leaning over Kit’s mangled body. The rabbit monster kept laughing and laughing, rolling on his spot.

“What are you waiting for?” Kit asked. Another stream of laughs followed. 

“I’m not doing it.” 

Kit’s laughs slowed to a halt.

“Why is that?”

Gyftrot looked away. 

“Because you won, and I can accept defeat.”

“Can you?” Kit chuckled again. “I guess that after all I went through, I deserve a small victory.”

“You surely do, Happy Meal.”

Kit gritted his teeth.

“I so, so hate you."  
  
  
  
**9.00 PM**

Snowdin forest was silent, coated in the cold moonlight. In between the shrieking and cries of the preys all over the forest, a deer monster with many mouths and limbs was pushing a cart in front of him. Chained atop the cart, with no arms or legs, the rusted pole of an umbrella skewered through his chest, eyes wide shut, laid a blue-furred rabbit monster. They were singing the same song about putting lips on someone. 

“That looks like a nice spot.” Gyftrot finally said. 

“It is.” Kit opened his eyes, looking around. “The perfect heavenly place for some cannibalism.”

“Hey, what happened to the happy meal from before?”

“He died when you called him that. Now I’m angry again.”

“Whatever. Just see if he can come back once in a while. I liked his company.”

“I will.”

Gyftrot’s hooves pushed into the mud, digging a spot for him to lay inside.

"So, tomorrow is a new day.” he tried out. 

"What does it matter, anyway?” Kit’s voice was shrill. "I do all the same things, day by day by day. Wake up, get eaten, swallow my entrails, heal during sleep. Wake up, get eaten, swallow my entrails, heal during sleep. Wake, eaten, entrails, heal. Wake, eaten, entrails, heal. What's new about new days?"

"Shhh."

A deformed limb moved on Kit's mouth. "Shush. I hear something."

"It's probably one of these dogs." Kit tilted his mouth away from the other's arm, or leg, or whatever. "Let's call them, maybe they finally kill me for good. And you too. I would love to see you mauled to " 

"This doesn't sound like a dog, though." Gyftrot walked around the cart, turning his head towards the source of the sound. "Too slow, too quiet. And I don't hear any howl."

"Is it Jerry? Oh, tell me it's not Jerry. In the name of everything that's sacred, in the name of all my guts right here, please let it not be Jerry."

"It's not Jerry, don't worry. I hear no whining either."

"Whatever it is, I hope they're allergic to rabbit meat."

Now, even Kit's mangled ears were able to detect the upcoming sound of steps. Slow, careful, unusual for a predator. "Are they close?"

"I see a shadow."

“Big? Small? Fast? Slow?”

“Small and slow. Almost hesitant.”

“It’s probably a trick. Are you really falling for it?”

“Shush.”

The shadow was coming closer and closer, with slow but precise steps. Kit squinted as hard as he could to catch a glance of it. 

“ I can’t see it. What is it, Gyftrot? I want to know who I have to thank for killing us both.”

Gyftrot stared into the void, his legs shaking. He opened a mouth, but no sound came out.

“Gyftrot? Are you there?”

Gyftrot turned to Kit’s side, slowly, all his eyes opened agape.

"Kit? Turn around slowly, and prepare yourself for a shocker."

 

**Author's Note:**

> I made this story mostly as an exercise to exorcise my fear of Axetale!Nice Cream Guy. Seriously, this thing is deranged. You can find his story and Gyftrot's here: http://axetale.wikia.com/wiki/Nice_Cream_Guy
> 
> The title references the popular adult cartoon Happy Tree Friends, centered about a bunch of cute-looking critters dying in horrific ways, spreading blood and guts all over the place.  
> I gave NCG the name Kit after the Game Of Thrones actor. Because when an Undertale character has no name I always give him that of a Game Of Thrones actor, and all the rabbit monsters are the Stark family: thus we have Aisling, Sophie, Maisie, Sean, Richard, and so forth. And Kit. Or Kitastrophe, in this version.  
> The songs are all real pop songs. "Snowdin-na-na" comes from Camila Cabello's Havana, the one song that made me realize she wasn't a complete disaster.  
> "Blood, Guts and Nice Cream Cake" is a reference to Marina & The Diamonds' Teen Idle line about "Blood, Guts and Chocolate Cake".  
> "I've got a lovely bunch of Nice Creams" both references the Monty Python song "Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts" and the famous Lion King scene with Zazu and Scar.  
> "Lips On You" is a real Maroon 5 (or as I like to call them now "Moron 7") song that just came out this weekend, as if it was custom-made for me. I just changed "your voice" to "your screams" to make it more fitting, but the song itself is very kitastrophic.  
> Thank you all for reading this, and happy nightmares. :-)


End file.
